Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
