member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
