YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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