i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
