They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
