It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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