With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
