WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
