i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
