its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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