I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
