The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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