you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
