The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
