This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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