Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize