Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
