She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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