its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize