maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
