i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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