Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize