So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
