u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
