where am i from again
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
