So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love you. Go after that dick
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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