Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
