I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
