You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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