we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
