he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
