apparently the secret to your success is patron
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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