she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
