If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
