After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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