no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize