Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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