dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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