Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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