the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
there is glitter all over my balls
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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