We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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