That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Found the puke drawer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
