I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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