drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hippo gnu deer
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
