I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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