I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
