I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
