Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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