I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
