I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
