Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
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The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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