I wannas sexs uuuuu
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
