Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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