I smell stomach acid.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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