I hate your face
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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