Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
