i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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