No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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