Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
