I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
